Did you ever say something that you couldn’t take back? Like telling your very sexy, slender Japanese boyfriend that he just didn’t have a member that could satisfy you?
I have. And I regret it to this day. As much as I am a believer in radical honesty, it has its drawbacks. Once said, a thing cannot be unsaid. Feelings get hurt. One’s self perception might be altered.
But I value frankness. I keep joking with my girlfriends that I will have to move to Germany to meet a partner who has the same depth of conviction around this value. When I was visiting a friend in Berlin a few years back I found myself urgently needing the internet to change a flight. The internet cafe was closed, so we asked a neighbor in the building if I could hop on his computer. God bless his German soul, he said no. He was watching a movie. We could come back in the morning. Not a people pleaser, he!
I also spent time at Zegg Community. Wikipedia says this, “ In particular, ZEGG focuses on exploring innovative approaches to love and sexuality and it has developed and practices the use of tools for personal expression and trust building in large groups, including the ZEGG Forum.”
In a Forum, you could, and were invited to, speak your heart & opinion about your experience, including your experience of others. It would be heard and held by the community. If you spoke directly about another, they had the chance to share their perspective. It was all welcomed, none of it judged. Stephen Cope, director of the Kripalu Institute for Extraordinary Living, speaks of having parts of ourselves in exile. I think cultures (and sub cultures) as a whole have parts of experience in exile (hatred, anger, sexuality, negativity, etc).
A friend of mine studied at Humaniversity in Holland. It was started by Veeresh, a disciple of Osho. The programs explore the very edges of being human and dynamics of human relationships. In one exercise, a person sits in the center of the group, and people are invited to say what they don’t like about them. After that go-around they are invited to say what they do like. Amazing. Imagine there being room in everyday life for such honesty – the good with the bad.
Many people have written to me in appreciation of my frankness and transparency in these blog posts. This is a risky choice, and I am so relieved people can receive and appreciate my communication.