After a rip roaring weekend of 7 little 7 year olds tearing about the house, after blowing out the birthday candles and stuffing the sleeping bags into their too small bags, after picking up unbelievable amounts of Barbie paraphernalia, wiping down sticky counters and talking for hours with the parents, I am beat. And positively reveling in the silence and solitude of this first school day of the week.
My post this morning on FaceBook said “I want to make like the cats and nap in my bed all day”. So far, I am making good on my desire. But there has been a growing sense of melancholy. Of things just out of reach, and a kind of resignation to what is. Will the healing arts institute I want to create materialize? Will I be able to get back to NY for the summer? Will I EVER have a lover again?
I am tired of fighting for what I want. Tired of feeling like I should do more (and eat less!).
I got up and did a load of laundry, made hibiscus tea, cooked some brown rice. Then the power went out. Did I mention my pocket book was stolen right about this time last week? I am back on my bed.
There are so many pieces & threads out of my control. My new mudra is to sit with my palms open, face up. Not reaching, grasping, pulling toward me. Nor pushing away, giving up, shrugging in defeat. I am doing what I can each day to meet my destiny. Working on the business plan with my partner, generally making good food choices, opening my heart to the idea of not going “home” to NY for the summer. Opening my mind to an ongoing life here in San Miguel… or not.
According to the astrology, this is a kind of ”inbetween” time. We all are experiencing lots of unexpected changes, plans falling through, surprises. The impossibility, or at least inadvisability, of making long term plans (and counting on them). And a concurrent letting go of the structures of the past.
Big stretch. Purrr. Time for a cup of tea. Strong & black with cream and honey. Like somebody’s Grandmother used to make, and maybe still does.